2013/12/25, 21:57Today's christmas! Today is the day I got this pretty journal from my pretty boyfriend! I know we both have a bit of mental struggles, but I'm glad he's atleast trying to help me out. I'll always be by his side, no matter what. I'll always give him a shoulder to cry on, a hug if he wants me to.. Anyway!I celebrated christmas only with my boyfriend, really. Since, y'know.. I don't have much friends. It sucks that I have social anxiety, but.. I don't think that's to blame. It's like everybody around me doesn't like me from first sight.. is it because I act weird? Is it because I'm awfully quiet? I don't know??? But, I might as well set those feelings aside, and just.. enjoy this beautiful, snowy season of giving and receiving. I'm back home, still having his body warmth on me, and with a smile on my face. Cheers, and Merry Christmas!
2013/12/26, 20:27Ah, the second day of Christmas has almost gone by. I didn't do much today, but I found out about this cool game named.. Cry of Fear! It.. this guy, Simon, represents me.. like by a lot.Other than playing that game, I didn't do anything else, really. I made myself some american pancakes (they turned out..they.. uh. They're pancakes!), and I left some for my mom for when she comes back. She's off to nightshift again.. the house is all to me again! I love being alone and being able to do my own thing without feeling.. judged. Now, I'm on my bed, writing in my journal, with my 2 cats sleeping. Y'know, my boyfriend ddin't text me at all today.. it's kinda odd. But, what can I say. He's probably busy.
2014/01/01, 01:01Happy new years! I'm in my room, staying up late. My mom's in nightshift again, so I'm all alone.. again. Of course, I have no friends to celebrate it with either. It sucks. My boyfriend wasn't able to hang out with me, too. He texted me today, and we talked for hours! Now I'm in the dark, with a few candles lit, my cats in my arms, once again writing in this journal. I'm kinda hungry, and I don't have anything to eat.. the stores are closed.. welp! I can just go sleep. Decided to update the journal a bit before going to sleep. Btw, I didn't do much in those past.. 5 days? Basically what I did today, I did earlier. Which is nothing. I'm glad it's winter break though, since I don't need to stress about school. Fuck, I hate school so much.
2014/01/14, 22:22I kinda forgot about this journal he gave me.. I feel pretty bad, but atleast I found it! I'm not really used to having a journal.. whoops! I'll probably just leave it alone until I have something interesting I have to talk about.
fuck off YEAAAAH I LOVE AMERICCA DUDE I TRIED TO OFF MYSELF LIKE I DONT KNOW TWO KACHING TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIKE SKIBITY TOIOLET OH THERE GOES 20 CHILDREN INTO AC ACAR CRCH!!!!!!!!! WOAH MARIO BE CAREFUL THRERES A CAR COMING YOUR WAY OH WAIT YOU LIVE ON THE TOP FLOOR THERES STILLA CAR COMING AFTER YOU
2014/04/05, 19:45
It's my boyfriends birthday..! I'm so proud of my little.. cutie.. he's now 15. I'm the younger one, eitherway. He.. asked me to do something.. odd.. with him.. I didn't feel comfortable, but.. anything for him. ...
i cant feel my legs because of what he wanted me to do. it was my first time doing it, against my own will. why did he.. want me to do that..??? i couldnt resist, he sounded so desperate.. and.. the thing he wanted us to do, too. it would be in.. 19 days. he wants the both of us to.. commit. I don't want to. i dont want to, but i dont want to be alone. i dont want to go back to that miserable rabbit hole that i was in 3 years ago. i know we both have some mental problems, but i just.. i dont want to do it. i have 19 days. 19 days before our first attempt.
2014/04/15, 12:02i want to flee so much, i dont want to go through with the stabbing, but.. i just cant leave him.. everyday, guilt consumes me. i dont want to leave. i have a bit more than a week left. my cats, my mom..
2014/04/16, 12:02anyone else but me.. anyone else but me..
anyone else but me
the day,, a da2014/y b04/efo23re i diea day left. i enjoyed and appreciated everything i have. my kitties, the games i love, i drew a little, i went on long walks, listening to my favorite music. nonono.. no no??? no no.n o. no. i dont want to. i dont want to but i just cant say no. i cant pussy out. it'll be painful, yes, but itll be wuick. a minute.
the day. today. today, an hour leftgoodbye, i love you
#
its as if im' cold .i shive'r , feelin.g discomfor t .
it would be nice to finally admit
that when i would cry
it would either be forced for your empathy
or it was just because of you
not for
of you
herlo rre